The Wussy Break: Ending a relationship without being face-to-face, with no real explanation as to “WHY”. Whether it be a casual hook up, booty call, lover, mistress, boy/girlfriend, wife, or whatever you want to call them, leaving them feeling lost, confused, doubting oneself, and forever scarred.
My friends, family, and myself included have all been the victims and perpetrators of The Wussy Break. So, from mine and their own experiences, I felt inspired to post a list of my favorite Wussy Breaks.
The following list will do one of three things. (1) Make you feel thankful that this has never happened to you. (2) Make you feel better knowing that you are not the only victim of The Wussy Break. (3) Inspire you to break up with someone.
Whatever the outcome may be, at the end, ask yourself… Are YOU a Wussy Breaker?
- Buying them a Match.com subscription. (Oh yeah cause it’s definitely going to be so hard to meet someone after you! Thanks ass face!)
- Sending them an engagement evite, but being engaged to someone else. (Later on it was revealed that the boyfriend got the girl he was cheating with Pregnant)
- VIA facebook. Changing your relationship status and/or changing it to being with someone else.
- VIA Twitter.
- Going to a restaurant and never coming back from the bathroom. (True story, my friend was the server!)
- Having your Mom do it.
- Dropping off the face of the earth. As though you never existed. (Yeah, thanks MIKE! Later I found out that he got really fat, so HA on him!)
- Lying and saying you are terminally ill, and it would be better for them if you stayed away.
- Saying you are giving up dating for LENT. (Would this go over well if you where Married? If anyone tries it please let me know!)
Well what do you think? How do you feel? Are you a Wussy Breaker?
If you or someone you know is a victim of The Wussy Break, and would like the story to be added to the list, please feel free to message me! Either by facebook, or you can click on “notes” at the bottom right of this post.
I was inspired to write this check list because of all the trials and tribulations I have seen my guy friends go through when it has comes to dating. I have learned quite a few lessons from their journeys and mistakes, and I want start sharing some of what I have learned in this blog.
You see, Hygiene is extremely important in regards to attracting a woman. Even if you think that you got it in the bag about this topic, consider this a check list. See if you pass. You may learn something.
Starting From Top to Bottum (No Pun Intended)
- Head Hair: making sure that it is oily, dander, and smelly free.
- Ear Hair: Unless you are the Indian grocer Radhakant Baijpai, who makes his living from holding the Guinness World Book of Records for the longest ear hair, PLEASE TRIM IT!
- Nose Hair: Trim what’s inside and pluck what’s outside. No one likes an Exfoliating Eskimo kiss. Also, if you have a mustache, combing your nose hair into your stache is unacceptable. We can tell, still trim it.
- Teeth: If you look like you have a retainer made of butter, your dental hygiene is low. Women wont let you do certain things (Hint hint) unless they know you are taking care of your mouth properly.
- Tongue: Also, if your tongue looks like lime stone, you need to brush your tongue.
- Breath: Please control your garlic and onion intake. Yes, certain foods are really healthy for you, but so is a good sex life. So think about that before you drink a cup of garlic juice to clean your system.
- Beards: Women like inviting lips. PLEASE, do us ladies a favor and keep hair out of the general mouth area clear. Do you like choking on pubes? Well neither do we, and that is what beard hair feels like.
- Armpits: White Dingle Berries on armpit hair is NEVER attractive. When you lift up your arms, it shouldn’t look like a snow bunny forest.
- Nipple Hair: If you you have less than 10 hairs around each nipple, they need to go. It like the bald guy who wont cut the last couple of hairs he has left on its head. Hair growth ain’t happening, let it go!
- Finger Nails: Dirty nails are ALWAYS a big turn off. Same with over chewed and abused nails. Also, if you have trimmed nails except for your pinky finger, that screams drug dealer!
- Cuticles: Biting your nails is bad enough, but when you apply it to your cuticles, it sends up a red flag to women. It screams, I’M NERVOUS ALL THE TIME!
- Belly Lint: Overgrowth of belly lint can get in the way in the bedroom. Bacteria builds up and can create a questionable odor that can scare off the ladies.
- Back Hair: Self explanatory.
- Mole Hair: Some say it’s lucky. I say it will keep you from GETTING LUCKY!
- Pubic Hair: Self Explanatory
- Butt: Women tell each other everything, and the last thing you want a woman to say after a break up was that you didn’t know how to use toilet paper. “Why is it when I run into my ex-girlfriends friends they are always laughing at me?” It’s because you are now known as Streaky Sheets buddy! PLEASE, if you push, check the bush.
- Heels: If you’re feet look like granite, playing footsie is out of the question. Pumas Stones are your friend. I’m not saying that you need to become less of a man and go as far as getting a PEDICURE, but please, don’t make us feel like you are attacking us with your feet.
- Toes: Dirty crusty toes are never in fashion. Toe maintenance can be a huge red flag to a woman. If you don’t care about your toe nails, then you must not care much about hygiene in general.
I know that some might feel like this blog is an Estrogen overload, but it’s loaded with great advice and done out of love for Men. Happy Valentines Day!
@dolphinsarelame, @bbcombes, @danmadonia, @mlledaae, @randomando, @hirl85 czy x’s @ the renfair
Here @thecomedystore, @SandyDanto is not only a very funny comedian, but his charm gives him a twinkle in his eye!
Happy Birthday @stephsimbari! Even you can get a little blu on stage
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